In to this peaceful, pleasant and perfect world that God created, evil entered in various ways. and perfection resulted in imperfection which is manifested in personal grief, lack of hope, faith and trust and the loss of safety and security of human life. among all these, child sexual abuse is the most heinous evil that has been creeping into the minds of people of all ages, and it has ruined moral values and ethical life both in the family and society.
Lustful feelings and selfishness of man led human
life to go through painful experiences, and much of it occur in childhood
itself. Caretakers alone are sometimes
unable to protect children from painful experiences. Statistics presented by
various organizations working with children indicate that more than half the populations
of Indian children suffer from child sexual abuse in one form or other.
Sexual abuse is when any person, young, adult or child
forces, tricks, threatens, or coerces a child to have sexual contact with him
or her for the benefit of personal sexual excitement and satisfaction. Showing
children pornographic pictures or films or telling them explicitly sexual
stories can be a form of sexual abuse. Some children are forced or encouraged to
have sexual contact or intercourse with parents, uncles, grandparents, friends
of the family, and servants in the house. Other children have sexual contacts
with strangers. Most of the times one’s own family members make one the victim
of child sexual abuse but unfortunately parents are unable to understand the
children because lack of knowledge,
ignorance, illiteracy, fear of shame etc…
At times parents become only the birth givers not caretakers. Nowadays
most of the parents are busy working in the fields or at offices leaving their children
at home with someone or servants in the house.
Most parents think that they should give the best to their
children which make them keep earning money to give entertainment and
excitement through toys, dresses and all the material goods. However, they
forget the importance of caring for their children. Very
often the negligence of children by their parents becomes the root cause of the
horrible experience of sexual abuse in childhood. The literature that I have
read on child sexual abuse, the personal testimonies of survivors of child
sexual abuse and the experiences that people have shared personally with me make
me conclude that this is a reality which many face in today’s world.
How
to respond to a possible situation of sexual abuse
·
If your child says that she/he does not want to play with uncle /
cousin / servant / brother etc… you need to pick up what the child wants to
say, but is unable to say. The child may
be trying to tell you that it is the victim of sexual abuse. She/he may say that uncle is not good or he is
bad. In such situations DO NOT scold the child or punish the child and defend
the good character of the uncle. The
child knows only the word “bad” and nothing more. Stay with the feeling of the child, and help
her or him to speak out more in a very gentle and non-intrusive way. You may take for granted that your child may
be in a situation of sexual abuse. It is here that you need to believe your
child. DO NOT believe the uncle or cousin or play down what your child says. You may be missing out the ONLY chance to
protect your ONLY child.
·
The child may say that uncle did something bad to me. In such or similar situations you may ask the
child whether he touched her / him and whether that made her / him feel not
good. Allow the child to use her / his expressions and feelings. It is of utmost importance that you
communicate to your child that she / he is far more precious to you than the
uncle or cousin. A sense of security, homeliness, trust needs to be
communicated to the child. If your child
is made a victim of sexual abuse, then you are the BEST healer for her or
him. The process of healing will have
begun from the time the child feels unthreatened and protected by you.
·
The next step in the process of dealing with possible abuse is to make
the child feel that no matter what has happened she / he is still your dearest
and best one. Help the child feel that
she / he is still good and that for you she / he matters much. These words have meaning only if you avoid
everything that would make the child feel negative about her or him. It is of utmost help if you rock the child on
your lap if she or he expresses signs of pain and discomfort and go along with
whatever she / he finds helpful to move on without remaining in negativity.
·
NEVER BLAME OR PUNISH THE CHILD.
Parents are in the habit of blaming the child for whatever may go wrong
because it is easier to blame the child than the adult. Besides, the child
cannot defend itself. In no way your
child is responsible for what has happened (assuming something has gone
wrong). Never say: ‘You are a bad girl’
or ‘You are a bad boy’. To be labeled as
bad for innocent behavior is the greatest harm one can do to a child. Ensure that the so called ‘uncle’ or ‘cousin’
is blamed and the child should be helped to think and feel that it has done no
wrong. The blame is to go totally and
entirely to the perpetrator. The wrong is done by the perpetrator, whoever
that person is. The child must believe
that you know it.
·
Ask the child whether she / he would like a change. For example a change in the driver who
transports her / him to the school; the shopkeeper who regularly supplies the
stationery; the teacher who takes tuition; the kitchen girl who prepares the
food etc… Remember the perpetrator of the
crime is very close to the child and is a confidant.
·
Ensure the safety of the child in all contexts. If need be, change the location where the
child frequents or the school that she / he frequents. Protect the privacy of
the child as much as possible. It is of
utmost importance that no one gets a chance to make the child feel bad, sad and
ashamed. No matter how good your
intention is, any move that would re-victimize the child can have irreparable
psychological consequences on her / him.
·
In case of legal complications, you need to understand that the
psychological well-being of the child is “above all the legal requirements” and
accordingly you should proceed with expert advice from competent persons as how
to protect the safe environment of the child.
This is a complex issue and one needs to handle it giving top priority for
the well-being of the child.
·
REMEMBER, there is no one who is as capable and competent as you, the
parent, to bring the original innocence back to the child. She or he can be totally and completely made
well, in case sexual abuse has taken place, provided you stay with the child
with all the love you can pour out on her /him.
· An adult exposing his or her genitals to a child or persuading the
child to do the same.
· An adult touching a child’s genitals or making the child touch the
adult’s genitalia
· An adult involving a child in pornography which includes showing a
child pornographic material.
· An adult having oral, vaginal or anal intercourse with a child
· Any verbal or other sexual suggestion made to a child by an adult
· An adult persuading children to engage in sexual activity among
themselves
· An adult inserting foreign objects into a child’s body for his, or her,
own sexual
gratification”
some experts suggest:
some experts suggest:
How to protect your children:
· Inform children that it is wrong for adults to engage them in sexual
activity.
· Stress with your child that he or she
should feel comfortable telling you anything, especially if it involves another
adult. If your child does not feel comfortable being completely honest with you,
then together should find another trusted adult that your child can talk to in
confidence.
· Make an effort to know the people with whom your child is spending
time.
· Knowledge is power. This is especially true for protecting children
from sexual assault. Teach your children about their body parts and physical
growth; give them correct language to use when describing their private parts.
Emphasize that those parts are private.
· Make sure you know where your children are at all times. Know your
children’s friends and be clear with your children about the places and homes
they may visit. Make it a rule that your children inform you when they arrive
at or depart from a particular location and when there is a change in plan. You
should also let your children know if you are coming late or if your plans have
changed so that they can see the rule for safety purposes.
· Never leave children unattended in an automobile whether on running or at
halt. Children should never be left unsupervised or allowed to spend time alone
or with others in automobiles as the potential dangers to their safety outweigh
any perceived convenience or “fun”; remind children never to hitchhike,
approach a car or engage in a conversation with anyone in a car whom they do
not know or trust, or go anywhere with anyone without getting your permission
first.
· Spend more time with your children and indulge them in different activities.
As an active participant, you will have a better opportunity to observe how the
adults in charge interact with your children. if you are concerned about
anyone’s behavior, take it up with the appropriate person.Listen to your children. Be a careful listener to your child. In their conversation with you they let you know many a thing of their priorities- whether being with someone or going somewhere. This may be an indication of more than a personality conflict or lack of interest in the activity or event. Take special notice and explore what make your child say, "That uncle is bad". In such situation never scold or punish your child, instead find out why he/ she makes such a statement.
· Notice when someone shows to one or all of your children a great deal
of attention while giving them gifts. Take time to talk to your children to
know more about them and their behavior.
· Teach your children that they have the right to say ‘no’ to any
unwelcome, uncomfortable, or confusing touches or actions by others. Teach them
to inform you immediately if this happens. Reassure them that you are there to
help and it is okay to tell you anything.
· Be sensitive to any changes in your children’s behavior or attitude.
Encourage open communication and learn how to be an active listener. Look and
listen to small cues and clues that something may be troubling your children,
because children are not always comfortable disclosing disturbing events or
feelings. This may be because they are concerned about your reaction to their
problems. If your children do confide problems to you, strive to remain calm, non-critical
and non judgmental. Listen compassionately to their concern and work with them
to get the help they need to resolve the problem.
· Be sure to screen babysitters and caregivers. Check references with other
families who have used the caregiver or babysitter. Once you have chosen the
caregiver, drop in unexpectedly to see how your children are doing. Ask your
children how the experience with the caregiver was, and listen carefully to
their responses.
· Practice basic safety measures for your children while going out for shopping
in a mall or a park. Teach your children the awareness of identifying the
behavior of strangers at these places. Give them the education of dressing
sense to dress modestly
· Remember there is no substitute for your attention and supervision.
Being available always and sparing time to know and listen to your children
helps them build confidence in you and have a feeling of safety and security.
· Also remember that in the vast majority of cases, almost 90% of the children
are molested by someone they know, and are acquainted with the family. Your efforts
in keeping your child safe must be your priority. Child
sexual abuse takes place in a trusted context. Informed by this fact do not be focused
exclusively on the danger that strangers may present.
· Finally believe your child.
Children usually do not lie
sources: Images
www.frontpagemag.com
www.eschooltoday.com
youtube.com
sources: Images
www.frontpagemag.com
www.eschooltoday.com
youtube.com
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